The doctor calls my name.
He says there is something to discuss in the consultation room.

“There is a possibility it is stage 4.”

Based on the CT scan from the first day of hospitalization,
the lymph nodes in my groin are swollen,
and there is a high probability that this is a metastasis of the cancer.

Tomorrow, after anesthesia,
they will first remove a part of the lymph node.

If cancer is found there, the surgery will be stopped.

After that, I will undergo chemotherapy for a certain period as an outpatient,
to suppress the spread,
and then schedule the surgery again.

If no cancer is found in the extracted tissue,
the surgery will proceed as planned.

However, the confirmation process takes time,
so I will remain under anesthesia for quite a while.

I receive this explanation,
along with diagrams.

Over the past month, I had felt relatively well in my own way,
but the tumor has grown,
and the likelihood of metastasis has increased.

I couldn’t quite grasp how to take it in.

But at this point,
it feels like I’ve already boarded a roller coaster.

There is no way to stop it by my own will.

When the time comes,
I will face the surgery tomorrow.

There is nothing I can do.

So,
all I can do is pray.

It took me some time
to arrive at that place.