Discharge
I was hospitalized for eleven days. For a stage 3 colorectal cancer surgery it may have been relatively short. Some friends and acquaintances had planned to visit once things settled after the surgery but the timing didn’t work out. Even so there were those who adjusted their schedules and came to see me. Before I […]
Postoperative Recovery
It felt as if I were carefully relearning everything from the beginning. Not as knowledge, but through direct experience. A baby passes stool in a diaper, and is praised for it. Not being able to do so is a problem, and it becomes a measure of health and growth. After the surgery, I was no […]
In a Private Room
In the end, there were many ways in which the private room helped. First, the matter of bowel movements. “Have you had a bowel movement?” Each time a nurse asked, a question arose in my mind. With a tube in place, is it even possible? Perhaps it was also because my colon had been physically […]
Experience
Experience I must have slept for two or three hours. But in the HCU after the surgery,I spent far more time looking at the clock. Pressing the button would deliver fentanyl for the pain. By morning,I was told I would be moved to a regular room. A young nurse wiped my body. There was a […]
Surgery and Awakening
“Are you feeling nervous?” A nurse speaks to me in front of the operating room. Maybe I was. Or maybe I wasn’t. Did I not seem that way,or did I? There was nothing left but to surrender. Once the anesthesia began to take effect, there was nothing I could do. While asleep,does the world continue […]
News on the Eve of Surgery
The doctor calls my name.He says there is something to discuss in the consultation room. “There is a possibility it is stage 4.” Based on the CT scan from the first day of hospitalization,the lymph nodes in my groin are swollen,and there is a high probability that this is a metastasis of the cancer. Tomorrow, […]
Window
First day of hospitalization.I feel fine. I’m scheduled for a CT scan, so I head to the hospital without breakfast. The sensation of the contrast agent entering my body—strange, and not exactly pleasant. Apparently, it puts some strain on the liver; last time, that was pointed out during a foot reflexology session afterward. In the […]
Take It Easy, Damn It
I started reading again—for the first time in years, maybe even over a decade. I went to Kinokuniya and picked up a few books I had already read, along with a few I had been curious about for a long time. At this point, it would be hard to say that I’ve regained a reading […]
Fading as It Arises
The pain in my fingertips has begun to ease. Little by little, very gradually, it feels as though the fingers meant for playing guitar are returning to me. Though, to be precise, it may not be a matter of “getting them back.” It feels closer to something like the very beginning — a kind of […]
The Timing of a Guitar
The moment I first saw it— The moment my hand touched the body— The moment I played the very first note— It wasn’t like that. Even after seeing it, touching the body, and playing it for a while, the decision to buy the guitar was still a decision I hesitated over. But perhaps that’s how […]