Window
First day of hospitalization.I feel fine. I’m scheduled for a CT scan, so I head to the hospital without breakfast. The sensation of the contrast agent entering my body—strange, and not exactly pleasant. Apparently, it puts some strain on the liver; last time, that was pointed out during a foot reflexology session afterward. In the […]
Take It Easy, Damn It
I started reading again—for the first time in years, maybe even over a decade. I went to Kinokuniya and picked up a few books I had already read, along with a few I had been curious about for a long time. At this point, it would be hard to say that I’ve regained a reading […]
Fading as It Arises
The pain in my fingertips has begun to ease. Little by little, very gradually, it feels as though the fingers meant for playing guitar are returning to me. Though, to be precise, it may not be a matter of “getting them back.” It feels closer to something like the very beginning — a kind of […]
The Timing of a Guitar
The moment I first saw it— The moment my hand touched the body— The moment I played the very first note— It wasn’t like that. Even after seeing it, touching the body, and playing it for a while, the decision to buy the guitar was still a decision I hesitated over. But perhaps that’s how […]
Fever
From the very first day of my hospitalization, my body felt unwell and I developed a fever.Each time they took my temperature, it climbed higher — 37°C, then 38°C. I was told, “If this continues, the surgery may have to be postponed.” In preparation for the surgery scheduled two days later, I had already started […]
Hospitalization
Tomorrow, I will be admitted to the hospital. It will be my first time staying in a hospital for more than two days, so I find myself a little tense about the experience itself. But there is no point in thinking too much about it. I will simply follow the instructions and move through it […]
Informed Consent
Doctors are required to explain the risks in advance and obtain consent before proceeding with treatment. Of course, I fully understand that this is necessary. If someone later says, “No one told me about that,” it would only create trouble for everyone involved. In reality, however, it seems that even very minor risks must be […]
Cancer
Some time ago, while working with someone in the medical field, I learned that it is called “cancer.” I remember casually thinking how different the impression of that word felt compared to the Japanese term. Recently, the results of a medical examination came back. It was stage 3 colorectal cancer, with lymph node metastasis. Fortunately, […]
Disinfectant
I slipped down a flight of stairs.It was only about five steps. Perhaps the wet soles of my shoes and the material of the stairs were a bad combination. I ended up with a fairly impressive scrape on my leg, but my honest reaction was relief — “I’m glad it was only this much.”Adding an […]
A Lighter Breath
Days of medical examinations continue. Perhaps it is the tension of so many unfamiliar things.After returning home, I am suddenly overcome by an unbearable drowsiness. I find myself reflecting once again on the preciousness of health. Ever since the recent endoscopy, even something as simple as being able to breathe normally feels profoundly grateful. It […]